Posted by My sister is my best friend. We have always been there for each other through significant life events such as breakups, illness, and special occasions, Of course, growing up, we had our ups and downs. I specifically remember fighting when we were children, pulling each other’s hair and hitting one another passionately. But as adults the hair-pulling stopped and we grew closer. Though an ocean separates us, I know, she will always support me in my life choices and whatever challenges life throws at me, and I will support her too.
When I lost my hearing in 2016, my sister was soon boarding a plane to Spain to come and visit me. I have always tried to be open about my hearing loss with my sister and about how it affects my ability to communicate. I also try to help her understand the impact of living with balance disorders, tinnitus, and noise sensitivity, yet always hope I’m not burdening her.
In this intimate conversation, I discover whether my sister thinks my hearing loss has changed me or our relationship, and the impact it has had on her as someone closest to me.
Has Hearing Loss Changed Me and if So, How?
Yes. You’ve always been very independent and naturally a sociable person (Not in big groups, but making connections with people.) You make people feel at ease when you talk to them. For example, whenever you travel, there’s always someone who ends up talking to you.
When you lost your hearing, I came to visit you and I noticed a lack in some of this—the social side. And, also, you were very upset. But, having known you all my life, I knew you were upset, but wasn’t too worried—I knew you’d be ok because it’s you! You’ve always had the tools. Even though you were upset at the time, you’ve always been a positive person, so I believed you would be ok. But, I wanted to be there, because it was horrible.
In the long term, quintessentially, you’re still the same person. It did change you for a short period of time. Maybe it’s changed you for the better. Because now you’re getting out there and showing others how to use the tools to be positive. You’re still Carly, still independent, and still like connecting with people.
Has My Hearing Loss Changed Our Relationship?
I don’t think so. You’re only a year older than me, but I’ve always thought of you as more of a mother figure—very supportive. Maybe I shouldn’t have… Maybe I made you into that though… what do you think?
… What’s important in a relationship is what you put into it. Neither of us has stopped adding or gaining, especially after your hearing loss. So, it’s made us closer, I think.
What Do You Find Challenging/Difficult About Having a Sister With Hearing Loss?
Loud noises. When something is loud, such as an ambulance, people laughing, etc. it’s difficult because I feel differently towards sound now. For example, last night in the restaurant, the men at the table next to us—them laughing made me cringe because it was too loud. If it was too loud for me, it was really too loud for you.
If we plan an activity, I’ve got to put myself in your shoes and see if you’d be ok with it. Like, I’d never suggest going to a gig or a firework display.
Are There Any Positives of Having a Sister With Hearing Loss?
You’ve always been a strong and independent person. Maybe you’ve got stronger…
… There are positives, but I can’t see how they affect me. It’s not really about me. It’s your journey…
… I now know the value of subtitles. I much prefer watching films and performances with subtitles. I must have been missing so much. Some accents are more difficult to follow than others.
It’s made me more aware of people with hearing loss. So, I use what you’ve shown me and I try and talk clearly to people I haven’t met before.
How Has My Hearing Loss Affected You?
Illnesses that come with your hearing loss—sometimes you have pressure in your head [vestibular migraine/Menieres Disease]: I don’t like to see you in pain or discomfort and not be able to see you eat certain foods or drink alcohol when you want. And, I don’t like that you don’t go to music festivals as much anymore—you used to like live music.
I think it’s good that you tell people how they can help. People without hearing loss don’t think like this—e.g. cushions in an area can help absorb some of the background noise. When you need someone to stand on your right side to hear them, you just say, “Stand here”—it’s really helpful. And you say to Andy [my sister’s partner], “I can’t hear you—say it again please.”
Self-advocacy: It’s probably difficult to do with family who knew you before the hearing loss, especially the older ones.
What Do You/We Do Differently Since My Hearing Loss?
I stand on your hearing side. If we’re in a different environment, I ask you where the best position is for you to be able to hear.
Is There Anything Else You Think Is Important to Add?
You’ve always kept family up to date with appointments—even when it’s not been positive. It’s important for us to know what’s going on. It helps other members of the family empathize and know what you’re going through. For example, when you did the balance tests, you told me about every step.
Do You Have Any Advice for Loved Ones of Someone With Hearing Loss?
Be supportive. Maybe help them find a support network. Make sure the person with hearing loss keeps you updated with changes in their communication needs if necessary.
A big thanks to my wonderful sister for answering my questions and sharing her thoughts so openly.
My Hearing Loss Story 